Qdoba > Chipotle

I'd like to make an announcement that many people will probably consider blasphemous. And that announcement is...Chipotle is garbage.

I'd seriously like to know what all the fuss is about. Chipotle has been quite popular amongst the American public for a number of years now and I still don't understand why. Has the company brainwashed people into thinking it's good? I've eaten there two or three times and I've never finished my meal. Why? Not because it filled me up...but because this was my reaction after eating it. Even one of my friends has said, "I'd rather get shot than eat at Chipotle." Now there's a bold statement if I've ever heard one.

I'd like to introduce you to Qdoba. Many of you have probably not heard of this place. Well let me tell you something...it's glorious. And it easily usurps Chipotle. Allow me to make an analogy. Qdoba is to Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings, as Chipotle is to Adrian Peterson of the Chicago Bears. For those of you keeping track at home, that's 1,657 yards on the season to 83. Ouch. Take a hike, Chipotle.

I can almost assure you that Joseph Hartwell will come in here throwing a fit, hurling heavy objects, cussing at the top of his lungs, swearing up and down that Chipotle is the greatest ever. Sorry my friend, sometimes you just have to accept the truth and free yourself from delusion. Qdoba > Chipotle. You heard it here first.

Songs In the Key of Ches

I decided to start a new feature on my blog regarding my roommate's singing. My roommate Ches sings pretty often...and very loudly at that. When he walks into the house, I'd say there's a 99.3% chance that he'll be singing. If you don't believe me, come on over to the crib sometime and witness for yourself. I'll gladly place a $20 wager on the chances of him crooning as soon as the door opens. I'm pretty sure the only time he doesn't sing when he enters the house is when he's talking to somebody on the phone.

I should probably add that Ches isn't the greatest vocalist in the world, and he usually sings songs that he has no business singing. For example...Shania Twain - "Man! I Feel Like a Woman". Just picture this guy singing this. How he even knows the lyrics to that song is beyond me. He also doesn't do it to entertain anybody. I guess he just has a thing for singing. Anyway, I'm going to make a note of posting the most ridiculous/obscure/preposterous songs that he sings. This might be a daily occurrence, it might be weekly, who knows. I'll have to pick and choose which songs I deem worthy of a blog post. One of these times, I'll try to catch him on video singing an asinine tune so you all can experience the madness for yourselves.

What song did Ches sing today?
Third Eye Blind - "Semi-Charmed Life" (in an English accent, no less)

Ronald Jenkees = The Man

Say what you want to say about this guy, but he's crazy talented and his music is great. The breakdown starting around 1:50 is ridiculous. I need to step up my piano game.

A Sneak Peak at Christmas Sweater Immortality

This fine piece of fashion will be in play on Saturday night for the 6th Annual Christmas Sweater Party.

I must admit, I'm not going as all out as I did last year. I just didn't feel as though I had the time or energy to construct such a classic outfit this year. Maybe the green pants (that fit a little too snuggly) will make another appearance, but that's about it. No matching socks. No fake glasses. No mock turtleneck underneath. I know you're bummed. However, I gotta say that the kittens on this year's sweater add a touch of class. Last year's sweater was so legendary that several people have asked to use it this year. Of course I had to grant their wishes because, lets face it, you just can't let something so spectacular collect dust in a closet.

I suggest you all find the ugliest sweater possible, head down to Sally's in Dinkytown on Saturday night and join us for the glorious event that is the Christmas Sweater Party.

N.E.R.D. - Sooner or Later

Very fitting video given the state of the economy.

The Agony of Defeat

My hopes of winning the championship in my fantasy football league died last night. I lost by 2.5 points in the semifinal playoff game. Two and a half effing points!!

My opponent was my roommate's brother, Brian. All of my players had played on Sunday, while Brian still had Donovan McNabb and the Eagles defense going on Monday night. I had a somewhat comfortable 43.5 point lead. I thought it would MAYBE be enough to squeak by and get a win. I thought wrong.

Monday afternoon, my friend Andy sends me a text saying, "Are you nervous? Between McNabb and their defense against the Browns...he could get 44 points." Thanks for the encouragement. Yeah, I was nervous. I didn't know which Donovan McNabb would show up to play. He's been a complete train wreck a couple times this season. However, he was going against the Cleveland Browns (an absolute joke of a football team), so it wasn't out of the question for him to have a huge game. It's difficult to know what to expect from a quarterback who, up until 4 weeks ago, didn't know that an NFL game could end in a tie.

So the game got underway, and of course the Browns did me absolutely no favors. Donovan lit them up and the Eagles defense basically shut them down all game. Brian needed 44 points...he got 46. Needless to say, I was outraged. Sometimes ESPN adjusts the scores overnight in case there were any scoring errors during the game. So I crossed my fingers and hoped that some sort of miracle would happen overnight and I would get the victory. Riiiiight. I checked ESPN.com this morning and the score still read 112-109.5. I even refreshed the page a few times just to make sure. Still 112-109.5. Shit.

I can't completely blame it on the Monday night game though. Like a dumb ass, I decided to change kickers this week. Why?? Who the hell decides to change kickers?? I replaced David Akers with Nick Folk. Folk got me 2 points, while Akers sat on my bench with 12. That brilliant move cost me the game and a shot at the championship. Smooth...REAL smooth. (Sidebar: It would be nice if Marvin Harrison manned up and stopped playing like the washed up bum that he's become. Only 3.2 points against a winless Lions squad? Really? Even Troy Williamson thinks that's pathetic.)

So go ahead and mourn my loss with me. It's a sad day in the fantasy football community.

Is It Spring Yet?

Ahhh yes, the middle of December...the time of year when it really starts to snow and temperatures drop below zero. Every year around this time, I find myself questioning why the hell I still live in this state. I absolutely hate winter...always have, always will.

Today I was talking with my friend Andy and I was saying how I didn't want to go outside because it was so damn cold. Andy's words were, "Man up! I'm outside everyday for recess for two hours." (No, I'm not friends with a little kid...Andy works at a school.) I couldn't believe they still made the kids go outside when it's this cold. In my day, we had inside recess when it got to be really cold. Andy then said, "I have the final call whether recess is outside or not. I hate inside recess, so I make the kids go outside every day." I don't know about you, but that sounds like child abuse to me. I think I'd much rather stay inside and play Connect Four than catch a mad case of frostbite. But hey, that's just me.

There is a plus to winter though. Last year, I went skiing for the first time since I was about 12. I went a few times and had a blast each time out. However, the weather was actually somewhat mild on those days. As much fun as skiing is, it's not enough to make me like winter. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'd be fine with never seeing snow for the rest of my life. Maybe one day I'll move somewhere else and have to complain about hurricanes or earthquakes instead of winter.

Jared Allen...The Man, The Myth, The Mullet

If you had to pick the best thing about the NFL, what would it be? The fact that Adrian Peterson could break off an amazing run on any given play? Peyton Manning's ability to mount a 4th quarter comeback? Randy Moss making spectacular catches look easy? If you picked any of these, you would be wrong, my friend. Jared Allen's mullet is far and away the greatest thing this league has seen in a while. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't condone the mullet as a haircut. However, I have made an exception for #69.

Jared Allen is the highest paid defensive player in NFL history. Would you know that by judging his haircut? Not a chance. Writer Bill Simmons from ESPN.com put it best when he wrote, "Did Jared Allen tell his barber, 'Make my hair look exactly like Nic Cage in Con Air?'" The thing that makes Jared's mullet even better is the fact that he also has racing stripes shaved into the side of his head. One stripe for each sack he's gotten. For those of you keeping track at home, that's 12.5 sacks/stripes thus far this season. This guy has the gall to walk around in public looking like this. And for that, I applaud him.

Most importantly, Jared Allen has 3 rules that people must abide by if they have a mullet...

1. In everything you do and wear, you have to highlight your mullet.
2. You always have to respect another mullet.
3. Sleeves are optional.

I don't know about you, but he gets my vote for MVP based solely on this.

Jizz In My Pants...An Instant Classic

All I can say about this song/video is...EPIC. From the creators of "Lazy Sunday" and "Dick In a Box", the masterpiece "Jizz In My Pants" is born. Is it just me or is the beat very reminiscent of something Timbaland would make? Justin Timberlake's cameo is hilarious, the facial expressions throughout are hilarious, this is pure comedy. The great thing is the song is so catchy that I wouldn't be surprised if I heard it in the club.

That's Hot

I'm not even going to comment on the improper grammar on the above shirt. I just needed a photo that said something about being hot.

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to a female's looks, guys and girls have completely different opinions? I certainly have. Girls always think other girls are pretty, when really that's just not the case. For instance, almost every female I've ever talked to thinks Julia Roberts is gorgeous. Sorry ladies, she's not.

What I don't understand is why so many girls claim that all/most of their female friends are attractive. That's simply not possible. Now I can understand that they don't want to be mean or hurt anybody's feelings. So if I ask a girl if one of her friends is attractive, it's understandable if she says "Yes." What gets me is when a girl will go out of her way to point out that one of her friends is attractive, when the exact opposite is true. I have a female friend who is notorious for doing this, but I'm not going to name any names.

On a few occasions, this friend has tried to set us guys up with one of her friends. Of course before meeting said female, my friend will elaborate on how gorgeous she is. So when the meeting actually takes place and the girl isn't as fine as advertised, it leaves us looking around and thinking, "So where is the gorgeous one?" I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just being real. Guys and girls have completely different takes when it comes to defining what makes a female good looking. All I'm saying is that when a girl is trying to set up a guy with a friend who she thinks is "hot," the guy should proceed with caution.

I Put On For My City

After another hiatus, I'm back. How giddy are you?

Anyway, here's a video of a little girl rapping Kanye's verse from "Put On". Not only is it hilarious, but it makes you wonder what kind of parent takes a video of their young child cussing and then puts it up on Youtube. Apparently it was good enough for Kanye to post it on his blog though. I gotta say, the dancing is legendary.